Anna (bcmom) wrote,

The Sad State of Marriage

The other day I made a comment on facebook regarding the sad state of marriage in today's society: (triggered by an interview on The View)

Sex between a man and a woman, within the context of marriage, is good. Unfortunately, this society has lost sight of that and wants us all to believe that sex in any context is good. People seem to think it's odd to save something that special for the one person you will spend your life with. That's another thing - marriage = one man, one woman, FOREVER - not just until you don't feel like it anymore or until you 'drift apart' whatever that means.

It just gets so frustrating seeing so many couples splitting up and hearing lame excuses like, "we drifted apart" or "we just weren't happy."  OK, so most of the time these are celebrities - who aren't actually a reflection of real people, right? - but still.  It has me wondering why they even bother to get married anymore.  Did somebody change the whole idea of marriage somewhere along the line?  Is "Till Death do Us Part" still part of a marriage ceremony or did they change it to "Until we don't feel like it anymore or drift apart or just get tired of being married to each other" or something along those lines?  I'm thinking that what we call marriage in this society doesn't bear much resemblance to real marriage. 

I mean, I don't like the whole 'till death do us part thing either.  Do we really mean it when we say that?  I don't think we actually want to face that possibility - that one of us will die, leaving the other behind to face life alone.  My grandparents were married 70 years.  The day we buried Grandpa, Grandma told me she 'wasn't ready to say good-bye' to him.  One of my friends commented on facebook that 'FOREVER is only for this lifetime' which is true - but how many of us are really ready for the lifetime to end?  I think when we get married, we are thinking of forever.  But maybe that's just me....

The whole thing provoked quite a bit of discussion:
  • MS - Wow, not only have you offended gays & lesbians, but you've managed to alienate your divorced friends too.
  • CH - First off, I don't think her intent was to offend the gay community.
    second off. when you get married it is "Til Death do you part" Failure on your end to abide by a promise you made doesn't put my mother at fault. it puts you at fault.
  • me - Not that I should actually admit to watching The View, but I was... and they were interviewing Mark Driscoll who wrote a book about marriage and sex - and I just get tired of the attitude of one specific person on that show. It's OK for her to ridicule people who have any kind of standards, or so she seems to think.

    I'm sure there are legitimate reasons for divorce - just tired of hearing about the 'we drifted apart' one. WHY is that even an option?
  • JD - A & C, I totally agree, except that FOREVER is only for this lifetime, thank God. We need to stand up for what is right even if the world is confused about Godly standards.
  • JA - Anna, I am with you. Touchy subject or not, all things can be reconciled with Respect and Love joined as one; and, I said joined together as one, at all times, not with any expectations or exceptions. It is a choice, and most of the time, what is right to do goes against our God-given character, which is why there are commands.
    God does not have to command woman to love, it is natural. He does not have to tell a man to respect, it is natural. He made man to be man and act like a man and women as women. There is no other way no matter what you feel like tolerating.
  • MS - Cory, when you find yourself married to an alcoholic, verbally and physically abusive woman, let me know how long you want forever to last. The Bible has no problem with divorce. Deut 24:1

    In regards to homosexuality, our country has bigger issues to focus on: healthcare, education, sustainability, homeless, jobs, etc. "He who is without sin, cast the first stone."
  • me - Don't forget the rest - Go and sin no more.
  • me - and NLT Matthew 5:31 "You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a letter of divorce.' 32 But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
  • me - I would say that abuse could be added to that.

    I think that's a big part of the big problem with divorce - people do not take the time to get to know the people they are marrying. It's like marriage is not a huge commitment but just something they can do for now or until they don't want to anymore.
  • MS - Obviously some parts of the Bible are more important than others to you. Does Jesus know that you're blowing away his version of the Bible?
  • me - How so?
  • MS - We're just going to have to agree to disagree. I'll ignore your rightous judgements and you'll ignore mine. Have a delightful Wednesday.
  • BH - Mom is just saying if you wake up one day and go I don't like you anymore let's get a divorce. Then its wrong if there are reasons and things have been done that are unforgivable then ppl do what is needed ... But I'm sure the intent of the part wasn't to piss anyone off
  • me - No, not intending to piss anybody off, but I do have the right to my opinion - as do all the let-it-all- hang-out-everything's-acceptable people who are constantly voicing their opinions and being applauded for it.
  • MS - The great thing about Democracy is that your mom and I are allowed to have our own opinions about God, morals, marriage, sex, etc. Luckily we don't get stoned anymore for our actions, otherwise we'd all be dead. Besides, if she hadn't "pissed me off" there wouldn't be nearly as many comments on her post. :-D Someone's got to be the Devil's Advocate. :-)
  • me - Truth is truth, whether you believe it or not.
  • me - I'm certainly not volunteering for that Devil's Advocate job.
  • MS - The question is, who's truth do we believe?
  • me - God's
  • MS - Which God? Christians, Buddists, Jews, Muslims, Wiccans? Who's God?
  • me - There is only one God.
  • MS - Yes, but there are many ways to Him.
  • MS - To say that there is only one way to God, limits God.
  • me - Really?  I'm still believing this - NLT Acts 4:12 There is salvation in no one else! There is no other name in all of heaven for people to call on to save them."
  • MS - And that's fine, you're using the Christian textbook for God, not the Jewish textbook or the Muslim textbook. Your textbook is not mine
  • me - What? You quoted from my book.
  • JA - Wow
  • SC - MS, I'm with ya. One thing is to believe in God...another thing is to impose your believes to others. In what concerns to religion and politics, everyone want the others to share the very same opinion. Hiltler had his too...
  • BA - Gotta love people that dodge questions. Makes one wonder if they have something to hide?

    If putting a FB post up is imposing your beliefs on somebody, that sounds pretty shallow. Like us guys would say, grow a pair and stand up for what you believe.

    At least now you know where Anna stands, and from what textbook, and it isn't Queen Anna's version.
  • JL - Go Anna! Just because you don't want to believe something doesn't mean it's not true! Everybody on here who is criticizing Anna, let's talk on Judgement Day and see if you are still holding fast to the "believe whatever you feel like believing in" belief! Good luck with that. I'd rather not take that chance!
  • GL - Very thankful to be married to a loving man who looked forward to growing old with me, and sad for those for whom that was not the case.

I have to admit that I'd never heard anyone say that the Bible has no problem with divorce.  I suppose it's all in how you read it...
Many ways to God - that's a scary one, too.  And when someone says, it's one thing to believe in God but another thing to impose your beliefs on others - well, why is that a one-way street?  The warped beliefs and standards of our current society are imposed on us every day.  We're not just supposed to accept and tolerate things, we're supposed to celebrate them.  Somewhere along the line, this probably fell into  'pearls before swine' territory, but...

But, anyway, the whole discussion on my status inspired the following exchange, by SC, who didn't want anybody to impose beliefs on others: (I have no idea how she got this from what was actually said, but..  I should have chimed in and said, "at first I thought you were talking about me, but this is not what was said on my wall, so it must be someone else.")
Seriously!? Someone posted today on FB her beliefs regarding marriage/sex/religion....even though all those 'religious' words spoken came from her heart all I saw was nothing but prejudice in all and every sense....and believe it or not every comment she had was a supportive one...Except for one girl (2 with me!)... So accordingly to those people God wants nothing but a marriage for life btw a man and a woman no matter what. So!.... even if you're being abused and mistreated...even if you're can NOT get divorced because God wants you to live like that?....And God help ya if you're gay!....Am I living in the 21st century?? Looks like some people got stuck 2 centuries back. At least back then they had the excuse of lack of information...what's yours?????
  • AW - I'm with ya! This so called loving god everyone preaches about wants you to stay in an abusive marriage and you're gonna DIE if you're gay!?! Jesus, I wouldn't want to worship a god like that.
  • SC - I know! If God is love they don't believe in Him...They're just following their own beliefs...
  • AW - Every Christian I know follows their own beliefs. Christians are the most judgmental, hypocritical people I know.
  • SC - WORD!!!!!
  • Sc - If you look back in History itself you see that!...Spanish Inquisition..the crusades! name it!!!!Sad!....
Gotta love those double standards!

Just as a note - I see a lot of pro this, that and everything else stuff on facebook every day - posted by 'friends' I don't really agree with.  I let it go, skip over it, ignore it, puzzle over how intelligent full-grown adults can think and support some of the things they're pushing, but I don't unfriend them.  The two 'ladies' who didn't agree with the discussion?  Yeah, they packed up their toys and went home - unfriended me.  For what?  I think that shows a bit about tolerance, but maybe I'm wrong...
Tags: beliefs, facebook, marriage, sex

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